

This picture shows why we must eat all the animals of the earth. When human water babies (blue) eat the flesh of animals (pink), we see the light and wisdom of God (yellow). One only needs to look at this picture to understand the mission of V.A.L.A. For your final test, draw a horizontal line with a point on it. Now draw a circle around it. Next, draw another circle starting from the intersection of the first circle and the line. You will become a V.A.L.A. mission specialist if you can figure out exactly how many times taller is the football of God's wisdom than it is wide. And then tomorrow I will tell you about Operation Agent Gerbil!Wow, that seems easy. You should soon be a V.A.L.A. member with inside information.
URGENT MESSAGE FOR ALL AGENTS: Decode using the standard V.A.L.A. decryption protocol. I want this matter resolved by the end of the day! -- Herman T. Sherman, V.A.L.A. Bien (237)And then the following cryptic message:
(913,38,869,134,5141); (1273,2209,3337,2881,391,1349); (1363,86,893,4331,2021,793,1927,583,142)How much do they know? Have they figured out that your fake name is Jonah Orton, which is right there on the new recruit list? Should you escape now while you can? What's with the 237 at the end of the message? Could that be a clue to the decryption protocol? Can you decipher the code?
Welcome to your second day of V.A.L.A. initiation. I see only about half of you are left--congratulations, you have the math skills to become a mission specialist! But that is only one of many skills you'll need. Another is the ability to kill quickly without hesitation. And tomorrow you will get the chance to kill a baby kitten with your bare hands! I will be making a fur coat with the pelts for my lovely wife Shirley, so you must not damage the coat. Good luck!What? They want you to kill a baby kitten?! You must set the kittens free before tomorrow. After snooping around on your break, you heard adorable little meowing behind a locked door. The door has a lock on it but you found tiny lettering on one side which says:
![]() |
V.A.L.A. Founder Herman T. Sherman |
Welcome V.A.L.A. recruits. You are joining an elite group of villains that God himself has asked me to oversee. In many ways you are all like the ants in this ant colony, all working together for a greater good. But there is one way we humans are superior to ants and all the other creatures of this earth--and that is Math! A chimp does not know the factors of 237, but I'm sure all of you do. We are very careful here at V.A.L.A. To make sure you are right for V.A.L.A., please take out your pencils and scrap paper, clear your desks, and take this short math quiz.One of his assistants then gave you a sheet of paper with these questions. You better get them all right or else you might be thrown out of V.A.L.A. on your first day!
v=sqrt(x)*tanh(sqrt(1/x)*9.8*t)*3.28which gives the velocity in ft/s for t in seconds. The variable x is equal to 327*m/a where m is the mass in grams and a is the cross-sectional area of the rock in cm2 (assume the rocks are spheres). Rocks weigh about 2.7 g/cm3. Once you have values of x for each size rock, you can use Wolfram Alpha to show the graph of velocity vs time. For example, for x =1000 you can enter this into Wolfram Alpha:
v=sqrt(x)*tanh(sqrt(1/x)*9.8*t)*3.28 where x=1000To get the velocities after the first five seconds, you can use this:
v=sqrt(x)*tanh(sqrt(1/x)*9.8*t)*3.28 where x=1000, t={0,1,2,3,4,5}How quickly do the different rocks slow down? Do you need to modify your table for the air resistance? Do you need different tables for different size rocks?
integrate sqrt(1000)*tanh(sqrt(1/1000)*9.8*t)*3.28 dt from 0 to 1but replace '1000' with the value of x for each rock and the last '1' with the number of seconds the rock falls.
V.A.L.A. Reminder: These tablets are for V.A.L.A. members only! Copyright 2014 -- V.A.L.A. International |